I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
