wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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