Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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