So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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