And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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