bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
