Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
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