what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
