I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
