I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
