Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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