Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
