He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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