yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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