Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
