Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i would punch a child for taco bell
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
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