So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
