just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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