When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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