Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
