just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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