she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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