dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
