I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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