you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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