nut hugger
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
