I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
