is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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