Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
