God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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