Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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