Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
