I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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