i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Never joke about your clitoris.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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