He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
