btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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