Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
