Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
