she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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