i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
