That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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