I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Randomize
