saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
