I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
