i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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