i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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