At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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