We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
