Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
