it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
