he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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