Don't you send me to vm
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
