Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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