I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
