I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Can Purell be used as lube?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
