She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
