I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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