I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Randomize
