I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
