Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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